Enough of this “if I only knew then what I knew now….”  all I know for sure is that I have right now this minute to act on and be in.  Well, and of course when that physics thing happens where I can be thinking two thoughts about the future, three about the past and one in the present simultaneously.  What I want to celebrate with you today is to list some of the things that I do now, that I didn’t do “back when”.

1.) I’ve been known to hang out in my pajamas well past noon but getting a whole lot of things done working at my desk right beside my husband who seems to love me in spite of no make-up or perfume!

2.) Return to college with fellow classmates many years younger than me.  Couldn’t face returning when I was 5-10 years older then most other students, but sure can do it now.  Acceptance or denial? Whichever it is, it’s working!

3.) Care about what is going on in my friends’ lives but in an interdependent give-them-a-hug kind of way and not the icky obsequious co-dependent way that I used to fall into way back when.

4.) Discover new aspects of my husband that I can enjoy, laugh about, respect every day, week, month and year.  This is a bloody miracle considering in my youth I was addicted to that aspect of relationships known as limerence which meant the very second the blush was off the rose, I was outta there!

5.) Fold my underwear and socks. True story.  I used to keep a really, almost fastidiously, clean home except for my dresser drawers.  It was just too much for me to fold my underthings and so I would stuff them into a drawer which meant that anytime I wanted a new pair of whatever, I had to fight with the drawer and everything in them.  Today I fold everything up neat and in it’s place so that it is so easy to open the drawer and pull what I need out.  It’s a shame though that only I get to see this great accomplishment (and, well, I guess now you know it too!).

6.) I weigh and measure all my food when I eat at home (three squares a day) and eyeball portions when I go out. Don’t eat in-between meals, don’t eat flour and sugar and don’t starve.  You can’t imagine how crazy I used to be about food.  Oy vey.  For instance, I remember one time when I was plowing through a box of Wheat Thins, for some reason I decided to look at what they called a portion size and nearly choked when I read “16 crackers” .  Have you ever seen how small Wheat Thins are? Why, 16 crackers was just the kindling for the fire?!! So glad I don’t have to eat that way ever again, one day at a time.

7.) I try to vary my drive when I leave for home to get out of the rut of doing the same thing.  Gives me a different perspective, helps me to stay focused and not in a day dreaming state while driving.  I don’t know if it’s a good thing or something that I should feel guilty about, but I know all kinds of baristas at various Starbucks all over Austin.

8.) I dance like crazy when a song comes on that I love, no matter who is around.   I’ve always danced a lot, but I was very, very careful to make sure that not too many people spotted me doing so.  Now, eh, why not?!

9.) Instead of feeling embarrassed when I am sometimes spastic in speaking and jumble words or flub sentences or what-have-you, I’ve worked in several sounds and facial expressions to mark it right in the moment which takes the attention away from it and definitely lightens the experience for any witnesses.

10.) I look for ways to make the people around me happy, most of the time.  I mean, hey, I’m human and so sometimes the scarfy side of me jumps out but for the most part I do my best to find ways to make others happy.  Cuz then we can laugh together and I really enjoy laughing.

How about you? What do you do now that you didn’t do then?

It appears that many of us have not considered the rules of etiquette upon using our various mobile devices so I thought I’d share some of the rules I try to adhere to myself in hopes that some of you may feel (and act) the same way…..(as with all LRK posts, please take what you want and delete the rest!)

1.) When having a conversation with someone in-person (in the flesh, face-to-face) do not accept a phone call unless a.) it is an emergency or b.) before you began your f2f conversation you told them that you were expecting a phone call.

2.) Do NOT text and drive. Do NOT text and drive. Do NOT text and drive. If you suddenly realize you have to text someone a message, pull over–type it up—and resume driving.

3.) As important as I’m sure you are, when you’re out in public walking from point a to point b you probably don’t need to check your email or your face book status. Seriously, what if that perfect man or woman was walking by right then? Perfect missed opportunity.  And if you don’t care about that you might not see the abdominal snowman behind the bushes…

4.) Practice times of not using your phone at all.  How would you engage in life?  What would you do with your time?

5.)  Spend as much time evolving your friendships offline and in-person as you do on-line.  It engages different synapses in your brain.

6.)  Do not check your email, Facebook or other social networking sites when you are in the company of someone else unless, of course you’re taking a photo of the two of you together to share.

7.) Do not text during a conversation with someone else unless it pertains to an agreement you have with that person.  Look them in the eyes and be there in the moment. Practice being present.  Oh get over your shyness?! Focus on the other person and ask them questions about themselves. Be curious!

8.) There is nothing quite as obnoxious as seeing someone out for a walk with their dog AND ON THEIR CELL PHONE.  Give it a rest people.  Be there with your dog.  Go on your walk, breathe in the fresh air, watch the birds fly and make/take your phone calls when you get home.

9.)  Building on #8, well there is one other thing about as obnoxious and that is talking on your cell phone when you’re out in nature.  Hello? It’s not wall paper people!  Be still, take it in, enjoy.  You’ll have plenty of time later to talk all you want on your cell phone. You just might miss a gaggle of fairies dancing around the mushroom ring!

10.)  Repeat as many times as warranted: My mobile device is here for me to use it for my convenience (it is not here to impinge upon my life and gobble up space).

I’m sure there are many more, in fact, I’d love for you to leave your additions!!  Leave a comment with your ideas.

Thomas Leonard, Founder of CoachU (along with many others), Coachville  and many things Coaching….created a “distinctionary” (can be found at Coachville.com) that takes a look at two similar words and explores them to find which one goes a little deeper for a richer experience.

Here is the one for Fulfillment vs. Satisfaction:
Satisfaction is the sensation that you feel when your needs are met. You’re satisfied; you’re satiated. Fulfillment, however, is the deeper, more soul-oriented feeling that one experiences when they are expressing their values, as in being themselves. When an artist is creating, they often experience fulfillment in their work. However, when the artist is getting appreciation, which perhaps may be a need, they’re going to feel satisfied but not fulfilled. Both are good, but fulfillment is a richer experience.

I realized when I was talking with my mentor on Friday morning listing the top things that I’m putting my attention to (trust me, you don’t want me to list them here because it might make your head spin how much I do….) and I knew that blogging was something that I never want to give up.  It gives me such a sense of fulfillment to blog because it’s a way for me to help you readers feel connected and if not understood completely at least that someone is hopping up beside you to let you know you matter  (or hey I’m good for a laugh or two sometimes at least!).  In spite of the fact that I don’t get paid  to blog, I have to write to get the ideas and feelings out of my head and on to the page or the ideas will just keep piling into my brain taking up space.

When we looked at my blog talk radio show (www.blogtalkradio.com/hope42day)  I realized that most of the time I feel satisfied doing a show but I don’t always feel fulfilled.  Now I’m not quite sure why that is except I think it may have something to do with allowing other people to give their opinion to me about how I could ramp my show up to the “next level” (e.g. weekly shows) or solicit corporate sponsorship that would allow me to have some paid help etc.  That all ends up feeling like a full-time job to me pretty quickly, not that I wouldn’t want to have a radio show that I could get paid to do full-time but I’m pretty realistic when it comes to this and know that I’d be getting paid part-time to do an over-time job.  Not too sure that is something I’m interesting in doing.  For right now, I’m okay with just feeling satisfied with my show as it is on my own time schedule.

I think fulfillment is something that comes from deep inside of us and so, for me, it’s got a spiritual nature as well.  It’s kind of like when you do or say something nice for somebody and get filled with that all-over glow inside and out.  Who doesn’t want to feel that way? I sure love it?!?  Makes me want to keep on finding ways to be kind to others just to get that “soul-hit”.  Conversely, I feel satisfied after cleaning the house spotless.  I love nothing more than to clean every dust particle off of every surface and floor, organize things, neaten things up, add a spice or flair of decoration and then walk from room to room admiring my work.  That gives me a huge feeling of satisfaction but I definitely don’t feel fulfilled.

How about you?  What gives you a great inner sense of fulfillment?

There just ain’t nuttin quite like milking a good ole tough-nut resentment is there?  Why, I’ve been known to stay mad, aggravated or irritated at someone for days nay weeks at a time?!  Inside of the pit of our bellies, resentments feel like an ever burning ember.  If it made a sound, it’d be a low moaning grrrrrrrrrrrr.  I’ve heard it said that, “having a resentment is like taking poison and hoping it makes someone else sick”.

This past week, I had the opportunity to milk a resentment because of something that took less than five seconds in the making.  Usually when you get mad that quickly because of something someone says or does and it festers for awhile, it’s because more than likely there are resentment appendages from the past that haven’t fully been excised.   Oh I wanted to milk that particular resentment for hours after my first pangs of it.  I knew that steeping in that kind of negativity is just about the worst thing you can do for your health and well-being, but I kept blowing on that burning ember well into the wee hours of the morning.  Finally, I became willing to listen to my better judgment and pulled out a recommended prayer for situations such as this which is basically, “bless them, change me”.  And every time I felt that ember burn, I would say that prayer.  It was hard to give up that satisfying burn at first, but with time the softness of peace feels better than the burn of anger.

Sometimes that short prayer is just about all I can manage because if I try to make my prayers any fancier of words and thoughts leastwise longer, than I get some resentment-embers stuck in the crevices of my heart and before you know it any good intentions have been blown wide open and I’m back into the roaring fire of resentfulness.  The reason harboring resentments is not healthy for me is because when I totally allow them to take over then the stakes for keeping them burning grow higher and higher and so to keep them going I might have to have words with the beholder of my flames to re-ignite my anger.  I also believe that actions towards fanning the flames of resentment retard my growth to a higher consciousness immediately.  It’s all probably another example of how instant gratification can hurt you.

So next time you may find yourself in a situation to milk a resentment for all it’s worth remember two things that you can do:

1.) find a place inside or outside where you can growl really loudly for a while.  Give it all you got. Put all that anger and resentment right into your growl and growl it on out.

2.) pray for whomever or whatever you are angry/resentful about to be blessed and ask for you to be changed (your perceptions, your beliefs, your understandings)…by the way, this works whether you believe in God/Divinity or not. Say as needed anytime you think about who or what you’re angry with until the embers cool.

Caution: be prepared during applications of the above for the gremlins of self-doubt and disturbance to throw unexpected opportunities for re-flaming your way.  You may just need an especially potent dosing of surrender and acceptance for diffusing.

What resentments have you been milking lately?

Have you ever prayed, imagined and/or wished that you would “know” what your life purpose was and further more that you knew at least one vehicle for actualizing it?  Well, turns out over 20 years ago I prayed and prayed and prayed to know what my life purpose was and how I could best use it.  And I’m pretty sure an answer came to me almost immediately. In fact, I think two answers came to me.

The first answer was to create a non-profit that would take care of animals in a very loving, respectful and humane way until they died if their owners passed away before them.  The owners would pay a certain amount of money each month towards saving a space should their animals need a place to go and for their animal’s care.  If the animals died before the owner and the owner got another pet, that pet could be put in the same place as their previous animal.  I got such detail for this place all the way down to it would be located on 125 acres in the Texas Hill Country and that the main building would be many stories high (in case someone had a giraffe, etc.) and would be built in the same fashion as Wolf Trap Farm in Virginia.  I understood that this was something that would encourage replication! There would also be a finite number of people who could donate for their animals. In other words, careful consideration would be given to make sure that the right kind of environment and space was available for each animal.Those people who were donating for their animals could be part of a monthly raffle to reserve a space in one of 7 cabins on the property where they could bring their animal (when safe for animal and humans) and enjoy respite in the country.  This would also be a learning facility for animal behaviorists like some of the great people I’ve met at the Austin Zoo and Animal Sanctuary.

The second idea I had was for a very special kind of school (that I remember being told what kind of education system this was after I shared my idea…but I’ve since forgotten!) that would be a place for students in grades 9-12 to board.  I got one fell swoop of information for this idea just like the animal sanctuary from the design of the living quarters for the students (no more than 12 to a building that is round shaped) to their adult care (two houseparents for every building plus a mentoring program where every student is matched up with an adult who works at the school from the groundskeeper all the way up to the president).  I also got the idea to create an education program where each child chose a kind of discipline to come in under. For instance, if they were interested in plants and trees their discipline would be botany and so their curriculum each year would be woven around botany where they would use algebra/math to learn how to build large green houses etc., they would use English to be able to read history of plants, trees etc. etc. and  learn how to market and use social media etc.

Anyway, I loved getting both of these ideas but after awhile I felt overwhelmed by what I didn’t know how to do such as how to get sponsors to raise money and awareness to name a few.  I remember thinking, “why me,                     I can’t possibly be the person who can make these two ideas happen?!”  And I folded them up in the tissue paper of my mind and put them away until this morning during a conversation with my Coach/Mentor/Friend Kat.  I had forgotten all about these two ideas but as I started talking it was like someone put a flash drive in me and it all came back. By the way, a good part of the beginning of our call was spent by me talking about not really having a specific direction with what I wanted to do…I’m talking a BIG GOAL. You know, a ‘my reason for being here goal’.

That Divine One is a crafty One isn’t he/she/it???!

Lately my lessons have been all about asking for help, “hey Lynn why don’t you ask for help”.  There are certainly people that I know about in my life today that I can ask for help in specific areas for each of these ideas.  One such person is Laura Langham, Executive Director and Wonder Woman of  Grand Companions of Ft. Davis, Texas.  If you don’t know anything about Laura or Grand Companions, take a moment to browse through the link….I believe you will be wonderfully surprised.

So I’ve been thinking about this on and off throughout the day and I realized that I had been reacting/responding to these ideas like a little kid. I could hear  in my mind me throwing a fit because “it’s hard” and “I don’t know where to start” or “other people are better at this kind of stuff then me”.  Which could all be true and it’s down to me accepting that perhaps my prayers were answered and then me making a decision to either carry them through fruition or not.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?  Have you had something like this happen for yourself where you asked for something to happen in your life and then you get inspired but let it fizzle out because it seems like an insurmountable task? Well, I sure would like to hear from you and get some dialogue going on this.  I suspect that we aren’t the only people in the world who have face this dilemma.  Maybe we could support each other through the process of realizing our dreams? What do you think?  The choice is yours.

If you are like me then you’ve probably heard at some point in your life, if not throughout your life, “you think too much”.  Seriously. People have actually said that to me and I’ve actually taken it personally!  What I realize now is:

• at least some of the time they may have meant that I was “obsessing” or worrying too much and didn’t have the language for it or;
• my questions and thinking were moving them out of their comfort zone and they didn’t want to be moved!

Since I returned to school a few years ago, it’s been so interesting to be in a class and actually “know” the subject that is being taught because I’ve lived it!  I really take so much for granted regarding the concepts and beliefs that I have been exposed to in my life from all kinds of people and perspectives.  Last week, for example, in my political science class  the lecture was on narco-terrorism.  Most of what our professor taught us I had been exposed to such as the power and impact of the cartels in Mexico, Honduras, Guatemala, etc.  but after reading some of the weekly postings of fellow students in our chat room, where we share one thing about a weekly lecture that stood out for us, I was pretty amazed at how much some of the students had not been aware facts such as gun smuggling, illegal immigration, sex trafficking etc.   I think about these things a lot and ponder on how to resolve these issues.  Luckily, I have no one in my life who tells me that I think too much these days.

I love hearing different opinions and perspectives from around the world on various issues.  For example, it wasn’t until I frequented an eclectic group of people from all kinds of faith traditions that I learned in some cultures, such as a friend from Uganda who is Sufi Muslim, there is no word for “I” in their writings.  Somewhere along the way I also realized how being an American from the U.S. has shaped my thinking. Which is not to say it is good or bad but rather it is probably more balanced to recognize how your thoughts, beliefs and opinions are colored, shaded and influenced from your environment.

A coaching friend on LinkedIn posed a question recently that asked us if we were doing what we wanted or had we settled and if not/why not?  For the first time ever as a Coach I had a completely different response to this question because my thinking on the subject has changed. Whereas when I first began coaching in 2001, I came from a very hopeful and enigmatic belief that all of us could be doing what we truly loved to do as our career.  Fast forward a decade later and my position has expanded to consider that not all people may even want to do what they truly love to do as a career.  As hard as it is for those of us raised in an industrialized, techno-sized, capitalized  society, believe it or not, there are some people out there who don’t see what they do (job, career, contribution to their family) as the end all be all of their life.  In other words, they may happily go about doing what they need to do to put a roof over their heads and hopefully, find some level of enjoyment in the process but then when their day is done, they go off and enjoy thoroughly the rest of their life.  The other 8-10 hours of not working.

It’s good to think about your thoughts now and then and to shine a light on them for inspection and even more important than that is to find ways of exposing yourself and your thoughts to other cultures and ways of thinking while keeping an open heart and mind to new ways of thinking.  Who knows, it could lead us to a new way of understanding the world that we didn’t even know was possible.

Please jump in and share you experience and view points on that!  Would love to get the discussion flowing!

Occupy Yourself.  Sound a little flip?  I bet if we had the ability to measure our souls on a meter, a good percentage of  our meters would read that we have our souls way outside of our bodies instead of minding the ship in our minds, hearts and bods. We probably “assume” that there is just an automatic pilot button that clicks on to operate our bodies when we’re out of them. And for many of us we’ve been able to get away with living kind of untethered to our world but some of us do get caught—-remember that lady in the YouTube video falling in the fountain?  Her soul must have been way outside of her body if you ask me.

of texting and all the technical things we do now days to “stay in touch”, we’re really not.  Which may sound hypocritical for this blogger to be writing but I really don’t text that much even though I write quite a bit.  Okay, I admit one of the reasons is because I do not have very great fine motor dexterity so it turns out it’s much easier to just pick up the phone and call someone then to text them.  But there is something about talking with someone either face-to-face or over the phone that keeps me more in my body then when I  text.   Think about it,  if you’re uncomfortable with having to say something to someone so much so that you would rather text them then you’re missing a great opportunity to get to know yourself better by inquiring within to find out why you are feeling so uncomfortable.  That and getting to connect with another human being by using your voice.   It’s not a good thing to allow your voice to go on automatic pilot. Trust me, I’ve tried it and the craziest things end up rattling off of my tongue.

Today the PoliSci Professor talked about taxes in the U.S. and economic theories. He also threaded his own conservative view points in and out of various facts he was teaching us about taxes.  It was pretty scary to be sitting there and hearing only a handful of other voices, other than my own, asking questions and expressing varying points of view.  Granted, when I was the age that most of my fellow classmates are now, I can’t think of a more boring class that I could have taken back then than taxes.  But today it is relevant to me.  And for the handful of classmates sharing their voices, it is relevant to them too.  I bet they’re mostly occupying themselves.  Can’t make a difference in what is going on in the world if you don’t pay attention to what is going on around you and learn what your opinions are, how you feel and where you stand when it comes to weighty subjects such as the economy and taxes (just to name a few).

I was a good 15 years older than many of my classmates before it ever dawned on me to wonder what companies our 401K monies were going to for investments. Did I believe in them?  Were our values in alignment with each other? And I was only aware of these questions because I happened to be in a job that employed a lot of social workers who asked these kind of questions. Get to know yourself well and understand how you tick so that when you do put all of your energy into a direction for a purpose it is laser sharp aligned and can make a difference.   There is something very “victim y” about putting the blame on corporations, other people, etc. etc. (I’m guilty of this too) instead of knowing yourself so well that you can purposefully point yourself into a direction with an outcome in mind.  Then you don’t have to wait for others to come to your rescue. Instead you have others running to catch up with you to align their mission with yours.

Give yourself the gift of reconnecting with yourself…..Occupy Yourself! Where will you say “I can” next?

One of the things I appreciated about the story of Billy Beane (Oakland A’s General Manager) as depicted in the movie, “Moneyball“  is how he handles his  superstition  about effecting the outcome of the game if he is on-site rather than in the underground gym watching it on the screens.  Boy can I sure relate to that belief.  Early on in my therapeutic exploration of my past, they called my idea of making sure everything happened perfectly the way my eleven year old brain wanted it to, by touching every other fence post and hopping over all the lines on the sidewalk, as bordering on obsessive/compulsive.

And I swear whenever I deign to watch a Cowboy’s game with my little brother, they slide into losing until I leave the room. I have to be out of the room for them to win—hence I do not watch anymore Cowboy Games (but they still lose!)

Perhaps a good healthy does of superstitions is a way for us to listen/see our fears in a creative way that we can process and digest but taken too extremes, of course, it can get in our way.  Take for example that I am offering a weekend retreat (December 16-18, 2011) at one of my favorite places outside of Wimberley, Texas (The Red Corral Ranch) to explore my friend and best-selling author Janet Conner’s book, “Writing Down Your Soul“.  I love this book and the process and when I offered some weekly meetings a year ago to explore the book–people loved it!

Well, the superstition enters in because although I have had some very successful and fun retreats throughout the past ten years (I believe retreats are so important to offer women to take a rest!)  because of one lone retreat where I got in over my head due to the cost of the accommodations and had to PAY to attend MY OWN retreat….I have not offered one for the past 2 or 3 years until now.  Almost immediately upon announcing this retreat and inviting people to attend, I began hearing from those who wanted to join me.  In fact, I already have one person paid in full already (all that is requested now is to turn in the $75 deposit and pay the remainder by November 16) to cover the cost of the accommodations and the retreat itself.

But I’m having that Dallas Cowboy game kind of a feeling about returning to those people who said they were interested to  button that up with them (you know, giving them detailed info about the hows and wheres etc.).  Can you imagine if CEOs of companies out there allowed themselves to be swayed by their superstitions?!  Some might fare well in spite of themselves, but I doubt very many would thrive with the restriction of superstitions.

It’s great when a person like me can make connections about cause and effect and see above, beyond and around what many cannot in order to connect the dots. However, when the connections are taken too far off in any direction….well, it is no different then if I had photo shopped my own imagination.

How about you? Do you ever allow superstitions to get in your way?

The song that played in my head today as I walked out of  the broadcast programming class into a sea of students was “Mrs. Robinson“.  Some of us who were over zealous with bravado volunteered ourselves last week to sign up to create a “Pitch” for a show that would fit into the time slot of another show that had been yanked  (Big Brother—because our class voted it off).  I’ve been toying around with the idea of writing a pitch for a show revolving around an older (really older!) returning student etc. etc.

Of course you know that song by Simon & Garfunkel came from the movie, “The Graduate” but did you also know that Ann Bancroft, who played Mrs. Robinson, was only 36 to Dustin Hoffman’s 30?!  Okay, so it’s really funny to me that I’m older than Ann was then!  And yet, here I am in a time of my life when I feel more confident than I’ve ever felt before. I made the decision this year to let my hair grow as long as it wants to grow.    For years many people knew me for my hair or “my mane” as they would call it.

In my early twenties, my locks conspired with the Texas humidity to kidnap me and take control of my life (I didn’t go to a stylist and certainly didn’t know about “products”) which made me very self-conscious.  One of my co-workers at the time used to describe me walking down the hallway at work as “there goes Lynn and her hair” as if my hair was its own separate entity.  I was convinced that if I cut my hair to my shoulders, let’s say, that it would have surely kinked up so that I looked like a giant human Q-tip walking down the street.   So I bore the burden of unruly hair.  When it was “good” hair, it was very good hair but when it was bad….

Then when I hit my forties, the voices of the shoulds got ever so loud in my head.  When you’re 40 something “you should” cut your hair into an appropriate style, “you should” not be overtly sensuous, “you should” be sophisticated or glamorous or at least professional and for heaven’s sakes “you should” be contained.  So, I cut my hair to above my shoulders. But I felt like Samson loosing his mane.  It was like my hair was my own very special “pet” that helped define my spirit and now that pet had been stuck inside of a kennel never to see the light of day again.

Well, if the 40′s is the decade of listening to the shoulds then my 50′s are turning out to be the decade of “why not?!”

I’m breaking all kinds of real and perceived “rules” such as returning to school to complete a degree I recklessly abandoned years ago…just because!   And I’m letting my hair grow out and, oh by the way, I curl it and let it fluff out.  It’s actually been complimented by a couple of students, and of course, my friends–which is nice but I don’t have to have anyone’s approval today to be who I want to be.

So there I was wearing a great outfit today that my mom-in-law bought me at a fine Israeli boutique with all my hair hanging down my back and instead of feeling like an invading grandmother in class, I felt a little bit like Mrs. Robinson only better because I know how to put that secret smile on my own face today.

How about you?  Where are you standing up and out by just being “you”?